Every now and again as a stripper you come across a shy birthday boy. Never a shy Buck, only birthdays boys. Why is that???? Here is my theory....In most cases (actually in every case) MUM, GRANNY AND THE GIRLFRIEND are present. I'm talking the 18th's & 21st birthdays where the whole family comes to celebrate the yearly event at mum and dads. You've got Uncle Joe in the background perving on your 19 year old Mrs and her friends, Aunty Lisa and Great Aunt Sue fussing over food in the kitchen, nan smiling and waving from the table with the chips and dip. Mums had a few Cruisers and dads cooking the snags and talking about how big you are now and reminding you not to get too drunk on your big night. Then..... next minute you notice the music changes from everyday radio music that most guests seem to have been enjoying to a loud, bassy, twerkin, poppin beat about booties...... and then the lights go off....... This is the part where the birthday boys jaw drops, he looks around the room and spots his best mates massive cheeky grin and an empty chair at the centre of the room. The birthday boy then looks to where his girlfriend is standing and gives this look as if to say "Oh my god OH MY GODDDDDDD babe, no babe, babe, I'm sorry...... OMG noooooo not another womans naked body!!! No jesus no!!!! Everyone in the room laughs knowing full well that If it wasn't for your girlfriend standing right there, you would be sooooooo goddamn keen to see a random naked womans body but with the metaphorically-ever-so-tight clench-hold that your Mrs has on your willy, you will not enjoy anyone but her, EVER UNTIL YOU DIEEEEE!!!
So your Mrs is looking like she is about to have a complete bitch fit and you're about to go and console her but all of your mates push you back into the shed where your seat and stripper are waiting. At this point the stripper can already tell if you are excited or shitting your pants. Now so many people from the crowd aftter a job will say "god darl, good on ya... I don't know how you do it!" Sometimes I myself don't know how I do it, especially when the birthday boy wants no part of it! Now don't get me wrong. I am a very respectful stripper. If I feel like my creamy titties that are in his face seem to be turning him as white as a ghost, or he won't lift his head or even respond to my words, then I'll tell him to tag in his best mate. 10/10 times this best mate is absolutely fucking stoked and jumps at the opportunity. So from this point on I then carry out the rest of the show on the mate chosen to take the throne. Meanwhile the birthday boy hides behind his mates, shirt off, cream on his face with his shitty faced girlfriend who is still giving him deathies AND he's watching his best mate rub my body in oil while I use his body as a slip n slide. This my friends is why young kids need to be single.... Ain't nobody got time for cranky bitches and mates lucking out on your birthday. Man up and eat that lollipop son!!! Or your best mate Jimmy will!